The guy on my couch
has been kicked out by his wife
He deserved it
I suppose
The way all men do

See, we’ll keep putting those straws
On the camel’s back
Until we’re told not to

But we’re never told
Until it’s too late

Is that our fault?
I suppose

He has a dog
that is nearly blind
and fully deaf
and prone to seizures
And has pus-filled goiters on her neck
To those endearments she’s added
shitting on my carpet and couch
I like that couch
But could give a rip about the carpet

Except when there’s shit on it
Then, I care
Because no corners are brightened
by dog crap from a blind and deaf, seizure-prone, old mutt
With puss-filled goiters.

Now my friend is worried
that he’s a homeless, penniless, jobless middle-aged man
with a deaf, blind seizure-prone mutt
that shits and pisses
on carpets and couches
Oh, and those pus-filled goiters

He shouldn’t worry, though
Cuz that’s exactly what he is.

A free man in paradise.